My LGBTQ friends tell me that the message they have heard from church or religious friends is this: “You can’t follow Jesus.” Whether because they were transgender or because they were in gay relationships, they were told they were not able to come to Jesus. But I promise you, what he is not saying is “Tell me all your thoughts about sex.” He might even be saying he wants to come to Jesus but doesn’t believe it’s allowed for him. He might be saying he doesn’t believe my Christianity has space for someone like him. He’s not saying, “Tell me about sex.” He might be trying to shut down the conversation. However, I’m missing what my friend means. When I tell a gay friend he can follow Jesus, he may respond by saying, “But I’m gay.” My temptation is to launch off on a long explanation of what I understand the Bible to say about human sexuality. Practice Saying This: "You Can Be Gay and Follow Jesus" We were both made by the same God, who loves us both and wants us to be in loving relationship with Christ and with one another. We both probably love Marvel movies or Star Wars or Shakespeare or ice-skating or bird watching. We are both people, and while our sexual history and preferences may be radically different, we both have family. I, as a straight, white, cisgender male, have a lot in common with a bisexual Latina. The LGBTQ community is broad and, overall, tolerant of those who are different: There can be a lot of variety in the space between the L and the Q. Then there’s religious history, nationality, ethnicity, and so on. When we label others, it’s easier to distance ourselves from their humanity and to emphasize our differences.īut straight people and LGBTQ people have more commonalities than differences: Everyone has parents hobbies preferences likes and dislikes hopes and dreams trauma and joy and maybe a job, or pets. It’s easy for straight people to think of sexuality and gender in the LGBTQ community as definitional rather than descriptive. Sexuality and gender is important to most people, but they are more than their sexuality or gender. Stay in loving relationship, and let them tell you when/if an appropriate time comes.
If someone says no, let them know you’d be interested in pursuing the conversation another time. Would that be okay?” Waiting for consent shows respect. It could be as simple as, “I’d like to talk about some spiritual things that are important to me, and I’d like to learn from your spiritual insights too. Likewise, it’s important to have consent when talking about spiritual things. If mutual sharing (learning from each other), deep love for the person you’re talking with, and a desire to talk about the good news of Jesus is not your motivation, then you’re not ready for this conversation, even if your friend is. If you are entering this conversation in the hopes of telling someone your opinion on their morals or life, or if you only want to change their minds or to “make them stop being gay,” then this is not a conversation you should be having. I shared my first draft of this article with 25 LGBTQ friends and acquaintances, and two themes came up repeatedly: What is your motivation in trying to talk to someone in the LGBTQ community about Jesus? And has that person given you permission to enter into this deeply personal conversation?
Naturally, we want to talk with them about Jesus, but it can feel complicated and frightening-for us and for them! Here are a few suggestions to minimize the awkwardness.
Many of us have a neighbor, coworker, friend, or loved one who is part of the LGBTQ community.